had a bit of a flat day today, but i've picked myself up a bit this afternoon so that's nice :-)
the brain is an interesting tool....
it's gotta be the strongest part of the body. it controls everything that makes up your being.
as each day passes, mine seems to want to teach me something new.
this morning, it taught me that depression is an evil thing. well, not so much taught me that today, more so reminded me that whilst i'm in a much better place than i was a couple years ago, i can't let my guard down.
sometimes when i find myself in that dark hole, i forget to remind myself that it's not that big of a hole, maybe just a pothole... so i might trip over those once in a while, but i just gotta keep picking myself back up again and dusting myself off to proceed ahead with life as normal.
what my brain did teach me, though, is that i am a lot stronger than i give myself credit for... i don't often credit myself as being that strong, and i really should, because it might mean that it will build more confidence and strength within myself.
thus, being able to front up to those potholes of depression and beat the shit out of them if they try to trip me up (hmm, visuals of someone punching a pothole looks a bit odd.... never mind!)
i have some really great friendships around me, and i have to be careful that i don't lean on some too much, i don't want to push anyone away, that would just kill me - the older i get, the harder emotional pain seems to become.....
so i need to continually remind myself of the great things i have in my life.
- great friends
- great new friends
- great friend within myself (if i let myself go and do what i want without giving myself such a hard time)
- great music (well i think it is)
- great vocal chords for singing (i also think they are lol)
- a means of transport of my own
- 2 great chooks
- a nice big area to play outside my house in, gardens etc
- wonderful neighbour (you can't pray for ones like them, it's pure luck!)
- a great appreciation of food
- a wonderful appreciation for looking out for friends and looking after them
- a desire and drive for more out of my life (and am starting to get that and enjoy every possible moment of it)
- trains running past my back fence
- a hard mattress to sleep on
- a teddy bear to share the bed with and a big concrete grizzly bear to share my kitchen/dining room with
most importantly - i have a life to live. and as one who could never imagine dying, i should just embrace it just that little bit more and live it to the fullest. i am a very lucky boy.
and i thank myself for being who i am - cause there sure as hell ain't gonna be anyone else like me, i learned that from a young age.....
take me as i am, but i must remember to also take myself as i am, cause then i should be able to enjoy this journey even more...
speaking of which, i feel like a journey to the takeaway shop for dinner :)
then it's time to pack a bag and throw it into the truck for the road trip to canberra town tomorrow :-)
whoever gets to read this - thank you for listening, i love you for it.
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