ah the fire is a-roaring once again.....
all the washing sits in front of it to dry off as it's been a beautiful overcast showery kinda day today
i'm going to be sociable tomorrow night... that's going to be interesting...
i think the last time i was sociable (by choice, by myself) was my 29th birthday when i booked a couple nights stay at the laird..... at which, upon arrival, parking around the corner, i was approached by a stranger who wanted to have sex with me.... and thence continued to proceed to the pub (no i did not have sex with him), at which point i was greeted by my mate marcas, who went from a big smile asking what i was getting up to, to a scared look on his face as he knew my ex was inside.... and then after checking in, and doing the obligatories with the ex, scurried upstairs to my room to hide out and quickly text my best friend to tell her what had happened in the previous 10 minutes lol
and then i donned the leathers and headed downstairs for salt n pepper night.... found my ex yet again, then quickly went into the back bar which has dress code for thursday night so i knew he couldn't come in...
bought myself a vodka then went and sat on my own for a while.... well until i was sure the ex was no longer there..... which meant i was inside until well after closing, lights came on, and i was the last one in there at 2am lol
not to mention the strange old (older.... nah just old...) man who was hovering around me all night trying to get my attention... i guess me pretending he wasn't there was not much of a hint for him to bugger off.... so came the awkward moment when i literally had to spell it out for him using my vocal chords after he asked if i needed a companion in my room for the night *groan*
happy birthday indeed.....
so let's hope tomorrow night is slightly of the opposite end of the scale... i'd like to have a good time, talk to people, not be so scared to interact, and most of all, be able to maintain some eye contact with anyone without freaking out about it like they might come up and knock me for 6
be nice to meet geoff, been wanting to meet him in person (and not just in passing whilst i followed my partner at the time...), he seems like a great guy and i like to make friends with great people.
i'd sorta like to do more of the events this week, but money and work are a bit of a hinderance...
there's always next year.... all things going well, i should be a bit more cashed up and might be able to have the week off like some others seem to do, to take part in the festivities.... i did enjoy doing the bear week/weekend thingo in brisbane a few years back.....
so the fire continues to roar and the oven continues to heat up.... going to roast some vegetables tonight, still got a massive chunk of pumpkin in the fridge, didn't want to make another soup just yet, and i have a bundle of spuds i can roast up too, maybe an onion too..... love roast vegies...
work's been busy, lots of quotes to push out, just need to pray to the construction gods that they give us some more work..... things are still a bit tight there, so i am taking tuesday off work to help reduce the amount of money the boss will pay me, but i can afford to take a hit for the greater good. i want this place to take off and be sustainable
the way i see it (as per karma chat the other day), if i am happy and willing to take a cut here and there, i'll get a good reward from it when the time is right for me....
jake came over to visit today on his way back from shepparton with his beautiful new puppy. he's massive, but still only a puppy
gorgeous temperament.... a big sook really hehehe
i get a bit jealous when someone i know gets a dog that has a lovely temperament, but then i remember why i don't have a dog. i'm not the best owner.... i work long hours now.... i don't want the hassle (cause it would be a hassle for someone like me who's used to self sufficient chookies) of having to worry about being home everyday to feed it and give it attention....
it's a bit like thinking about having another boyfriend, i guess..... having to constantly think of someone else, either consciously or unconsciously.... worried about what they think, having to maintain loads of contact, provide sexual pleasure at their request (cause i generally get disinterested with lots of sex, very quickly lol), worry about being home everyday to feed them and give them attention.... oh i'm overlapping.... lol
at the end of the day, i'm sure everything will fall into place and just be 'so'.
wouldn't have thought i had so much to say, but i guess since i don't have many people around me at work anymore, it just bottles up inside without me thinking about it or realising it.....
so bring on tomorrow... bring on a few vodkas, and let the world do what it pleases with me....
i figure that if i can deal with 2 weeks in portugal, dealing with a different language, and dealing with a lot of people who are really just strangers (for a lot of people in my family anyway, given the little time i've spent with them in my life), i should be able to suck it up and survive a few hours with a pub of bears and others, who all speak english lol
wait and see i guess!
oven's heated, i better get some vegies in there :-) tummy a-grumblin......
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