what exactly IS love?

interesting question, huh?

no, i haven't fallen in love.

i just think that part of the reason why i was picked to be given an opportunity of life was to do with love.

my mission statement, if you will....

i think that my underlying goal in life was to (and is to) make as many people smile as i possibly can, and to show love to as many people as i possibly can.

i believe that being loved by me is like no other. it's much like anything i do in life - i give it my absolute everything. it's either all or nothing. do it right the first time (where possible) - that sorta jazz

but to love is not just to be in a loving relationship, married, sex, kids, whatever.

i find that the feeling of love is in it's sharing with kindred spirits.

i have had loving relationships, but i've also had (and still have some) loving friendships.

i guess i've always felt that if i could show love to someone, it might just make them want to do the same, not necessarily back to me, but at least to someone else.

i've been kicked in the guts and used/abused etc a fair few times. but i retain the knowledge that love can still exist in the world despite the shit that it might have surrounding it.

i had the opportunity to spend last night with someone who i've known for a few years but only had the chance to meet in person last night. it was something pretty special to me, just for the fact of how it made me feel. and i think it made me feel loved. not in a sexual way at all, but in a friendship sense - just someone who wanted to make me feel good just by existing there next to me, and nothing more.

i've found lately in the gay community that about 90% of guys looking for someone to hook up with would not be interested in just spending time with someone without there being some sort of sexual play. it's a bit sad cause it means the art of loving someone physically is quickly diminishing to being just a sexual act.

i think that's one of the reasons why i rarely reach out to make contact with many guys, is because i think, underneath it all, i don't necessarily want sex that much, i just want a friendly face to show me that they know how to connect on a level that makes me feel like i could be loved again.

a good romp is always fun, don't get me wrong - but for me, i think i'm starting to move on from that a bit.

maybe that means i'm ready for something serious, maybe not - i'm still leaning on the side of 'maybe not' (or absolutely not, as i put it at one stage during dinner with friends last night lol)

love is open to interpretation for what it means to you - but the key is to allow yourself to be open to loving or being loved and it's endless interpretations in your mind.

and i think that's what i've learned today.