a brain release.......

i've had a very good productive day today. you know how much i love to keep busy!

let the chookers out, little bit of garden work, sorted out the pots on the front porch, cleaned the bird bath, chopped firewood and kindling, did the laundry, vaccuummmmeedd the house...

i tried to put up the hammock i got a couple months ago but i'm a bit scared to use it until these 2 chains dangling to nowhere are actually being used for something... i'll try to find instructions on the net somewhere...

i'm so happy that i had a good long sleep last night, about 11 hours without waking up once, if you don't mind! that was enough to give me the energy i needed to get all my chores sorted out...

oh - and fresh sheets on the bed!! yay!

i think i'm going out tomorrow night, catching up with Sir neil... haven't seen him for what seems like years, but i think realistically, it hasn't been quite that long.... although i do remember him at my 29th birthday in sunshine, so maybe it's between 1-2 years lol

and the melbourne leather men night is happening tomorrow night and he's going to make a rare appearance... so i should probably suck it up and try to be sociable again, even though i'm starting to feel like i want to hide away from everyone again... but that's probably a good reason to tag along, to try and not let myself get like that again...

i guess i still just find reasons to think of the differences i have compared to the other gays around me these days.... i guess i just base it on facebook posts i see... i dropped out of the bear selfies group and also the australian bear group (after about 5 days in it lol) cause it just seemed to be full of people i just couldn't relate to..... but i guess i see some other friend's posts and how political they get, and it just gets me down i think.... i've never been political, i certainly don't tow the standard gay line of wanting to support the marriage thing, nor do i have a problem with the current incumbent at parliament house..... but that stuff never really bothered or interested me i guess...

i do, however, enjoy and appreciate leather, so i really should make an effort to go out tomorrow night especially if neil will be there with me too..... just the debate of whether i drive or take the train.... oh what's that skip? the trains aren't running? just my luck... any time i organise myself to catch the train, a bus catches wind of it and turns up instead lol

i think dinner will be early tonight... the oven is already heating up at the moment so i can throw in the leftover pizza from last night.....

and then maybe think about lighting a fire for the night, if i have the energy... but i always get this way after cleaning the house "everything is so neat and tidy, i can't possibly light the fire cause it'll make a mess"

silly me.... i'll go light it soon i think... it's still early, and daylight, so there is plenty of time to warm the place up..... and then the washing might finish drying off so i can do the ironing in front of the tv so i can watch a movie brent gave me last week that i haven't watched yet.....

i think at the moment i feel like everyone wants a piece of me, whether it be in a good or bad way, and that's what is making me want to hide..... just a bit overwhelmed at the moment.....

but realistically, there's not that many people that want a piece of me - i guess it's just when i get that feeling that someone 'wants' me, then it instantly makes me feel a bit suffocated...

my neighbour, last weekend, told me that my ex called her around the time of my birthday last year, and pretty much he's still in love with me - awesome news..... not.....

some people need to understand space and time frames..... i've had one guy trying to catch up with me since we last caught up some months ago when he stopped by for a visit and we had takeaway dinner together to try out the new pizza place in the main street..... i think he makes me feel a bit suffocated the most at the moment.... it's not the fact that he's always trying to organise a catch up in person, but rather the fact that he only ever messages me about wanting to catch up in person.... i think that annoys me to a certain extent because it feels like he doesn't want to talk to me on a messaging system just about regular things, and that's when i have to think about putting a 'don't expect sex' tagline in my messages for when we do organise a catch up...

sex is nice, but it gets boring really quickly for me... so after making friends with someone, if i "go there" with them, then i might enjoy it, but it doesn't mean i necessarily want to do that every time...

ah i dunno...

and i'm worried that someone else is delivering mail at the moment cause i haven't received much in the last couple weeks, but that's probably more to do with the fact i'm HANGING to get my health insurance statement and income protection statement so i can do my tax and hopefully get some money back to put on the credit card, and then also find out what i need to do to pay my own tax since i'm a subbie....

ok my hands are cold, i should stop typing and start the fire up........