The historical records which form a journal

Journal's are very interesting pieces of work.

They can be very useful to express things that one can find extremely difficult to express in verbal form.

They can thence be lethal at a later point in time.

I'm in bed.

Feeling quite odd.

So I open the bottom drawer of the bed side chest on my side of the bed (as opposed to teddy's side of the bed).

I pull out a journal.

I look at 4 pages that are folded so I can't see what's written.

I know the subject of the text, though.

I remember making sure it was folded in a way that the only way I could read anything in it was if I unfolded it.

I stare at it for 5 minutes and ponder. Do I open it. Do I leave it alone. ?.

Thankfully I left it alone.

I did however decide to have a flick through to see if any other pages were folded.

More than I thought there would've been.

So I open one and have a read. Boy I was messed up a few years ago lol unmedicated as well. Not that it made a difference to my writing style. More so interesting to see what I was writing about then as compared to now.

Started reading another page. Then stopped.

Put it back in the drawer.

At what point does a journal change from being a help to a hindrance?

And then is there a point in time even later that it reverts from hindrance to help again? Or just morph into another state altogether, like using it as comedy material or a good laugh at what crap you used to stress over?

And is it the same with blogs?

Probably.

But I'm less likely to flick through blogs like I could do with a journal as I've never been a fan of reading lots of things on a screen. Much prefer hard copy on paper.

Time will tell.

The short of it after this short lived experience is that I've hurt in the past. I'm likely to hurt again in the future. I know I've probably been hurting in some form, my whole life.

It's just the ever changing face of how I deal with things. Cause problems will always turn up. I just have to roll with the punches.

"And it's days like these, when I worry, that there's no one here to let me out"