overcome in the brain again.....

today was going to be different to how it turned out...

i really wanted to mow my lawns, desperately. it was the last of the great sunny days for almost a week so it was perfect mowing weather.

i tried wd40'ing the bits on my mower that jake told me to do, but the cable i think is completely snapped on the inside.

then i tried alex's mower again, playing with the spark plug, making sure it was secured, giving it a scrub between the points with sandpaper, like i've seen dad do in the past with sparks... that didn't work either...

then i felt an urge to want to kick it really hard, both of them, just out of frustration, but i knew that wouldn't fix the problem either.... i knew not to hurl the damn things across my yard cause it would damage them more and petrol flying everywhere is not a good thing either, especially on a sunny warmish day i imagine...

it wasn't a complete waste outside though, i watered/fertilised (or both) all the plants i could find, i'm still worried that a few of my casuarinas have died over the winter months...

the girls had a good wander around the house again today, still no eggs, that's 3 weeks since i got even 1 egg out of them...

brent text me to say i've been paid in full from my last 2 invoices... telstra, plumber and rates will have to be paid...

applied for another warehousing job this afternoon..

but all i can think is that i really wanted to mow my lawns and i couldn't do it, so all this energy i had ready to burn on mowing, didn't get used in full.... so now it feels like my breath is a bit short, and my brain is not having fun at all... i need more money.... cause now i have to fix a mower, or both of them depending on what it will cost to fix both of them...

and now the weather is turning grey and windy and i took out meat to do on the bbq again, but i've had a late lunch of a puff pastry pinwheel thingo... so i'm not terribly hungry right at the moment...

and all i think i really want is for someone to just hug me and pat me on my head and tell me that everything is going to be ok.

sugar daddies must be a myth. i've never come across one. i could sure as hell use one... just someone who is willing to get me out of the shit, or at least lower the shit-o-meter to a level further below my neck anyway...

make the shit stop now, please.

!