everything's alright.....

i'm stuffed!

but i was able to put in an invoice for about 37 hours work this week.... that's gonna be a great big helper when it hits my bank account!

i'm already a bit excited just at the prospect of the bills i can pay LOL how sad is that?! :-)

telstra, council rates, gas, credit card and some income tax..... they're all gonna get money thrown at them! hey maybe even mr citylink might get some cash too so i don't keep hearing 50 beeps when i drive under a toll gate lol

i'm going to see my psychiatrist tomorrow morning... been a couple of months i think..... maybe about 6 weeks, since i've seen him last.... he's a lovely gentleman - especially for an indian bloke - he gives me warm and fuzzies just listening to him talk to me...

but i won't be pushing to get off my meds completely just yet... i'm still learning to deal with some things on the current dosage and i think if i jump off them at the moment i might go off the rails a bit...

especially not until things are a bit more under control in the financial dept... i think i can still continue my goal of getting off them by the end of the year - even if it means making an appointment on 31st december with my psychiatrist and being told that i can get off them that day - my goal would be achieved!

i've had a couple of stumbling blocks this week with my mindset, yesterday was a worry driving home, i just couldn't get out of the habit of shouting at other drivers in frustration... even talking to myself and telling myself to calm the fuck down and it's not worth it.... it didn't work...

then there was a bit of the ol' heart palpitations when i was at home, just getting worked up over nothing.....

i just keep thanking my stars that i have great people in my life who look out for me and try to help me out, just cause they care. at times when things get dark and i'm losing the grip on things, they are the ones i think of to make me smile again

even now as i'm typing, for a few minutes i was very very nervy and a bit anxious, to the point that i really didn't know whether it was anxiousness or just feeling a chill - but so long as i remember to take some deep breaths and remember that everything's ok and i'm safe at home, i calm down again...

hmm, maybe it really is the cold lol

was thinking about lighting the fire tonight, but i haven't got decent chunks to throw in to burn it for a while, just shitty bits of pine, so i'll leave it be, i don't want to wreck the flue kit.....

5.18pm and i've already had dinner and tidied up!

my eyes are a bit sore so i reckon it'll end up being an early night tonight - it was incredibly difficult to get up this morning, i really felt like i had 50kg weights in my arms and legs.....

but i got up, and pushed on, and i got through it, and earned myself a good early mark, and now it's the weekend.

so let the weekend begin!