expansion of my horizons......

nice to be in the safety and comfort of my home once again...

it's been a very interesting couple of days out and about around town...

learning new things, experiencing new things, meeting new people, it was a bit overwhelming.... to the point of having an anxiety attack..... but i digress....

the thought of clown shoes and high heels, or high heeled clown shoes, never made me laugh quite as much.... but again i digress with another highlight of the last couple of days lol

even at my age, 3 weeks shy of 31, it's nice to feel as though i can learn something new and feel like i am growing. i love to learn, my brain gets a great big kick out of it and that's a wonderful feeling.

i've accepted the opportunity to be a pup, and i'm a bit excited at the thought of what i can learn and as to how much more it will benefit my everyday life, it's all in the aid of helping me be more of who i am, and learning to live inside my own skin and not care about what might be crossing the minds of others.

putting on a pup hood and getting pictures taken alongside the yarra river in full view of the city skyline late at night was awesome. being taught that people are not going to look at you oddly, as i might normally think they would, was comforting.

it's helping to disperse this great fear of strangers i still have after being verbally abused by a complete stranger in sims supermarket in werribee during my recovery time after my operation, whilst waiting in line with my trolley of shopping, and alone.

i went to a spa/sauna thingo on friday night - another great challenge i accepted... wow... i think i was very much pushing myself to a limit there, building of strangers, some stranger than others, wearing nothing but a towel, if at all..... avoiding eye contact like no tomorrow just in case someone either tried to jump me, or have a go at me.... not wearing glasses always helps cause it means most people's faces are just blurred anyway.... but i quite enjoying going between the pool and the spa whilst watching the big geelong/hawthorn match, so it wasn't all scary (apart from the resulting score of the match lol)

the next day i hit a point where i felt like i could've started to cry a bit, little bit out of anxiety of the overwhelmingness (if that's a word) of what i've achieved and experienced in a short time, but more so out of pride of looking backwards at my life over the best part of almost 11 years since moving out of home, so that was nice.

i've still got a ways to go - but has anyone really achieved fulfilment in their life and quit trying (apart from port adelaide's club song?) ?

i need a job, and i need a stable income, but i realise it will turn up in due course. until then i just gotta keep focussed on the bigger picture and remember the good times i am having cause there's no point stressing about what i haven't got and what might be possibly going on in other people's lives when i'm not around.

it's still hard to do, but i've got good people around me, and a few new great ones to add to my collection of people, who will help me out if they can.

this is me, and i'm happy about that.