relief at last!

i secured a new job today. thank god!

what today means to me:

• i shouldn't have to ask for financial help from my parents any more
• i can afford to pay my mortgage and bills
• i don't have to think about selling my home
• i don't have to worry about dad pressuring me to sell my home to move in with them again or move to portugal
• i can do regular grocery shopping
• i can pay off my credit card
• i have flexibility to still have days off as required to deal with psychiatric appointments
• i will have the flexibility to work the hours that suit me - i.e. work 3x12 hour days each week if i want
• i can think about giving my poor truck a decent service
• i can get the lawn mowers fixed!
• i can thence cut the grass!!
• i can pay rates
• i can pay bills
• i can buy fruit and veg regularly to have my nutribullet everyday!
• i can be free of the pressure i placed on myself constantly to make ends meet each week

most of all - i got what i believe i deserved.

the last 2 and a half years have been tough, really tough, but as earlier bloggered, i fight the good fight.

i fought damn hard to do whatever i could to keep my home, my chooks, my space, my sanity, my psychological stability.

i think i finally, finally have the pay off coming to me now.

i've been praying for this for so long.

let it be now. i deserve this. i deserve to be free of the pain of instability.

i worked damn, damn hard.

and now i finally have been given the opportunity i deserve to make my life better for myself once again.

i could almost cry from the relief i am feeling right now.

it got to a stage, fairly often, that i wondered what the hell i was doing and whether it was worth the pressure, the pain, the hard work and the little return. whether i should've just given up long ago.

i got my answer today: it was worth it. and no i should never give up.

may the future begin on monday and bring me the riches of self-sustainability. i believe i've earned the right.