Wednesday, 10 September 2014

i rock........!

today i was reminded why i rock, once again.

firstly, i am surrounded by great people who try to do their best to help me when i need it the most.

secondly, i got a set of shop drawings pretty much completed, barring a few details for the balustrade and confirming some glass types and sizes etc...

thirdly, i am tough. tougher than i would normally give myself credit for.

i've been remembering how tough you need to be to work in the construction industry in victoria (i can't speak for other states as to whether they are as corrupt as victoria or not).....

there's gangs, mafia, bikie gangs, corruption, psychotics, bullying - you name it - it's got it.

and then i remember one christmas time a couple years ago when i had been waiting about 3-4 months for payment of some work i did that year... and how the money owed to me would really make a big difference at that time (given my rego is due december 19th for a start lol).....

i parked across a driveway to the entrance of a factory so no one could get in or out with a vehicle, which meant no deliveries to the factory, and nothing leaving the factory to goto site...

i went upstairs to the offices and sat in the boss' chair and casually waited for him to arrive.....

it had been made known to me by someone else that this particular person could've afforded to pay me what he owed me if he wasn't busy throwing money at one of his mate's..... so that was my ace of spades that i hoped i would not have to use....

he arrived, i was waiting, he's a bit larger than me, and normally the temperament of a teddy, but obviously that wasn't going to last long lol

i asked for my money, he refused, went around in circles for a while, then i had to play my card that i knew he could afford to pay me.... he was not happy that i knew....

shouting and swearing ensued.... i had to dig my feet in or i'd never win it..... threats of police involvement towards me, threats to my safety etc.....

and then it led on to a bit of a physical altercation (i think the correct term is lol), almost came to punches, but i was concerned about damaging my face after all the money i pumped into getting it fixed in the first place...... so i turned my head away for the most part....

and then he had a good hold of me and started shoving me towards the door at the top of a staircase.... if it wasn't for one of the factory guys bolting up the stairs to break us up, i reckon i would've been in for a trip down the stairs, head first.....

so i went downstairs and moved my truck after further threats of calling police, and then i stood at the front door and said i wasn't leaving until i got paid..... while i was waiting, i was talking to the receptionist.... i apologised to her for what she saw upstairs.... i said to her that i figured he would be used to someone turning up demanding money given how many calls we used to get with threats of breaking legs for this guy not paying suppliers.....

then she said to me "allan, so many make those threats, but you're actually the first one that's turned up here and done it in person!" - so i felt a bit special lol

about half hour later, he came downstairs with a printed remittance of 90% payment of what i was owed..... 2 grand was better than getting into another scuffle.... we chatted and apologised to each other for what happened - he said "must've worked though cause you got your money"

and he was right.

i won my battle.

i took on the 'man' and i got what i deserved...

so it's times like that which remind me how strong i can be when i have to stick up for myself.

*waves fist in the air* don't cross me or else!!

nah seriously, i hope i never have to do anything like that ever again... but at least i know, that if it comes down to it, i can fight the good fight and win it as well.

and that's just another reason why i rock! :-)

Monday, 8 September 2014

thar she blows!

today's been a pretty windy day... once again i sit here at home wondering whether something is going to fly horizontally through my windows or if the fence will come down... i worry about these things because they have either happened, or have come close to happening.....

i think it was about 2 years ago when one section of the colorbond side fence came crashing down... i was cooking something for dinner at the time and the blinds were down and i heard this almighty calamity of crashing outside my window - wow that was something to shit my pants over.... almost....! opened the kitchen blind and there in front of me was a gaping hole in the fence looking directly into the neighbour's front yard!

so i rang sharon, and when she answered, i proceeded to confuse her a little bit "hey you know how we always talk about how we should've made an access door so it's quicker to visit each other and share food etc? well take a look out front cause we got what we wished for!"

another time late one night, the idiots who were building across the road had contractors that obviously didn't know how to keep things secure on site.... so about 4.30am or so this particular morning, i could hear something wobbling and scraping around in the street, so i leapt up out of bed and went straight to the window and peered behind the blind - there were sheets of tin, or something, that were being blown across the road and, with thanks to the strong northerlies, were headed straight for my front yard..... i stayed awake for a good half hour just watching these things head towards me just in case they came close enough to hit my house, or worse still, fly through my bedroom window to slice me in half, or more pieces! well it wasn't quite as dramatic as that, but at 4.30am in the morning and half asleep, it was quite an event! hehehe

so the wind continues to blow, something outside is sounding like it's trying to dislodge itself to go for a short flight into the backyard, and the flue from the wood fire sounds like it also wants to make with the crazies of the windy weather..... but i'm sure everything will be ok...

meanwhile, had some crazy town dreams last night, well crazy enough to wake me up with a bit of the old heart palpitations making a return visit!

for some 'security' measure, the neighbour had installed a rather huge/large statue of a dog, almost dingo-like in looks, just behind the side gate on my side of their house... it was a bit of a shock to look outside my kitchen window and see this, almost 4 metre tall, structure staring directly at me!

perhaps it was just some sort of reference to who i am, and am becoming?! who knows...

and then! i went into my ensuite and turned on the 4 heat lamps and 3 blew out.... then i turned out the exhaust fan thing but i turned it off again, though the fan continued to operate..... i don't know why it was freaking me out (in the dream), but i had a friend come over to check it out and they were just as freaked by it......

bloody dreams..... lol

i've not worn my apnea splint in a few days so maybe that's it, and it's certainly caused me to pass out to sleep on the couch today so i should wear it tonight to try and straighten things out...

meanwhile, brent called me this morning and offered me some work, couple of sets of shop drawings, to work on at home, so that was nice and will help to earn a little bit of extra money whilst i continue my search for full time employment again!

Sunday, 7 September 2014

expansion of my horizons......

nice to be in the safety and comfort of my home once again...

it's been a very interesting couple of days out and about around town...

learning new things, experiencing new things, meeting new people, it was a bit overwhelming.... to the point of having an anxiety attack..... but i digress....

the thought of clown shoes and high heels, or high heeled clown shoes, never made me laugh quite as much.... but again i digress with another highlight of the last couple of days lol

even at my age, 3 weeks shy of 31, it's nice to feel as though i can learn something new and feel like i am growing. i love to learn, my brain gets a great big kick out of it and that's a wonderful feeling.

i've accepted the opportunity to be a pup, and i'm a bit excited at the thought of what i can learn and as to how much more it will benefit my everyday life, it's all in the aid of helping me be more of who i am, and learning to live inside my own skin and not care about what might be crossing the minds of others.

putting on a pup hood and getting pictures taken alongside the yarra river in full view of the city skyline late at night was awesome. being taught that people are not going to look at you oddly, as i might normally think they would, was comforting.

it's helping to disperse this great fear of strangers i still have after being verbally abused by a complete stranger in sims supermarket in werribee during my recovery time after my operation, whilst waiting in line with my trolley of shopping, and alone.

i went to a spa/sauna thingo on friday night - another great challenge i accepted... wow... i think i was very much pushing myself to a limit there, building of strangers, some stranger than others, wearing nothing but a towel, if at all..... avoiding eye contact like no tomorrow just in case someone either tried to jump me, or have a go at me.... not wearing glasses always helps cause it means most people's faces are just blurred anyway.... but i quite enjoying going between the pool and the spa whilst watching the big geelong/hawthorn match, so it wasn't all scary (apart from the resulting score of the match lol)

the next day i hit a point where i felt like i could've started to cry a bit, little bit out of anxiety of the overwhelmingness (if that's a word) of what i've achieved and experienced in a short time, but more so out of pride of looking backwards at my life over the best part of almost 11 years since moving out of home, so that was nice.

i've still got a ways to go - but has anyone really achieved fulfilment in their life and quit trying (apart from port adelaide's club song?) ?

i need a job, and i need a stable income, but i realise it will turn up in due course. until then i just gotta keep focussed on the bigger picture and remember the good times i am having cause there's no point stressing about what i haven't got and what might be possibly going on in other people's lives when i'm not around.

it's still hard to do, but i've got good people around me, and a few new great ones to add to my collection of people, who will help me out if they can.

this is me, and i'm happy about that.

Tuesday, 2 September 2014

i don't want to sell my house...

can someone just call me and offer me a good paying job now?

it doesn't really take all that long for job hunting to become a depressing experience.

dad called me last night cause mum told him i was starting to look for another job... he said that they would be happy to help me financially with everyday living expenses, but not really able to help with paying the mortgage. that's fair enough.

and then he started again with suggesting i should sell up from here and move back in to their place and do some courses/qual's in something i want to do....

selling up and moving back in with my parents isn't exactly going to spell out what the magically thing is that i actually want to do...

if i sell my home, then that's it, i would class that as 'giving up', admitting defeat, whatever negative connotation there could be, i would be thinking and feeling it.

all well and good for him to also advise that there are plenty of jobs in qld and n.t. but i don't think i could manage living in a warm/hot/humid climate all year round. i love the cold weather too much...

at least he didn't try to convince me to move to portugal... not yet anyway.....

i know he's just trying to help. but having that conversation really pushed me close to having an anxiety attack over the stress of everything.... i managed to steer clear of it though, thankfully.

i couldn't possibly live with my parents for longer than a week cause i would then have the feeling that i've given up on a whole half of my life, and would feel the same as if i had someone move in and rent the other room again... i just can't handle living with people....

i love my home... i don't want to sell it. i may not have the choice if i leave it longer... it's just all a bit too confusing thinking about all these things...

i just want stability. it's all i ever wanted. and a hug once in a while.

i would have applied for close to 20 jobs now in the last couple of days, 1 of them surely must be thinking about hiring me to do something...

*sigh*

Sunday, 31 August 2014

job application for fun reading...

To whom it may concern,

I am writing in application of the Customer Service Officer (Home Builder) position, as advertised on the Seek website.

I believe I would be highly suited to this position as I have an extensive work history dealing with customers and suppliers in both construction and retail capacities.

Whilst working at G&B Aluminium, I was responsible for handling incoming customer enquiries via telephone and internet, assisting with general sales queries and processing of purchase orders. Constant liaison with suppliers was required to ensure timely delivery of materials (including glass and aluminium framing) to give our clients the confidence in knowing that their projects were being completed to their schedules, which would then in turn allow seamless transition to other trades to complete their works around our aluminium windows and doors.

As a trade sales associate with Masters Home Improvement, passion for customer service was the first priority in every customer contact. I was responsible for handling all enquiries relating to the doors, windows and timber mouldings area. I took it upon myself to learn about all aspects of this area to ensure that I was able to answer any question customers may have. During the first 6 months of store opening, I was instrumental in helping achieve sales targets by having one of the highest rating departments in the whole store. My reasoning for this is due to my passion for customer service, as customers have more confidence in purchasing a product if the person serving them has excellent product knowledge.

Negotiation and problem solving skills are required regularly for most of the roles I have worked in the past. It is important to ensure that you are meeting the needs of both the customer and share holders to be a successful business as this in turn will aid in the development of higher profits for the business.

Along with the above skills, I can bring a pleasant and happy persona which is easy to get along with, as well as impeccable attention to detail to ensure that all your projects will proceed smoothly with minimal to no errors.

I would like to take this time to thank you for considering my application for the above position and look forward to the prospect of working for you soon.

Please do not hesitate to contact me on a mobile number i'm not making public on my blog at any time to arrange an interview at your convenience.

Best regards,

Allan Fundo

overcome in the brain again.....

today was going to be different to how it turned out...

i really wanted to mow my lawns, desperately. it was the last of the great sunny days for almost a week so it was perfect mowing weather.

i tried wd40'ing the bits on my mower that jake told me to do, but the cable i think is completely snapped on the inside.

then i tried alex's mower again, playing with the spark plug, making sure it was secured, giving it a scrub between the points with sandpaper, like i've seen dad do in the past with sparks... that didn't work either...

then i felt an urge to want to kick it really hard, both of them, just out of frustration, but i knew that wouldn't fix the problem either.... i knew not to hurl the damn things across my yard cause it would damage them more and petrol flying everywhere is not a good thing either, especially on a sunny warmish day i imagine...

it wasn't a complete waste outside though, i watered/fertilised (or both) all the plants i could find, i'm still worried that a few of my casuarinas have died over the winter months...

the girls had a good wander around the house again today, still no eggs, that's 3 weeks since i got even 1 egg out of them...

brent text me to say i've been paid in full from my last 2 invoices... telstra, plumber and rates will have to be paid...

applied for another warehousing job this afternoon..

but all i can think is that i really wanted to mow my lawns and i couldn't do it, so all this energy i had ready to burn on mowing, didn't get used in full.... so now it feels like my breath is a bit short, and my brain is not having fun at all... i need more money.... cause now i have to fix a mower, or both of them depending on what it will cost to fix both of them...

and now the weather is turning grey and windy and i took out meat to do on the bbq again, but i've had a late lunch of a puff pastry pinwheel thingo... so i'm not terribly hungry right at the moment...

and all i think i really want is for someone to just hug me and pat me on my head and tell me that everything is going to be ok.

sugar daddies must be a myth. i've never come across one. i could sure as hell use one... just someone who is willing to get me out of the shit, or at least lower the shit-o-meter to a level further below my neck anyway...

make the shit stop now, please.

!

Saturday, 30 August 2014

reassessments of current stock holdings.....

let's just take a step backwards and review, shall we?

where am i at? what i am doing? where am i headed?


  • meds are half a 50mg tablet per day (good thing)
  • i was up front and honest about my situation with brent so i advised i had to look for another job to afford to survive (good thing)
  • he let me go at the end of the day (bad thing)
  • sir jyan is being very nice to me (good thing)
  • sir neil has offered to give me a load of soil for my birthday (great thing - can lead to opportunities of developing garden more)
  • chickens are still here (wonderful thing)
  • chickens haven't laid eggs for at least a fortnight (bad thing)
  • i have a freezer full of food (great thing)
  • applied for 4 casual jobs in warehousing today (good thing)
  • brent hasn't paid me for last 2 weeks (indifferent thing - bad cause i need money, good cause money hasn't come in yet so when it does i can pay bills)
  • weather is perfect (awesome thing)
  • went out for dinner last night with a few friends to little river pub (great thing)
  • kendall still loves me (not surprised thing, along with hilarious thing)

so more than half of my list involves good/positive things...

so as expected, i'm really not doing too badly considering everything that i could list out of my brain....

looking for work is hard work in itself. but it's not impossible. something will turn up eventually.

just hoping that the time frame of 'eventually' is less than 1 week lol

and i really would like to have a job that pays me enough that i don't have to ask for financial assistance each week..... that would be a nice thing... i'd like to progress with my life at home and do all the things around the house i would like....


  • pergola to the concreted outdoor area
  • shed on the lonely slab of concrete in the backyard
  • finish off developing gardens and convert sleepered garden edging to stone/boulders etc
  • possibly consider evaporative cooling or another reasonable method of cooling for summer heat
  • service the truck (urgent)
  • new lounge suite
  • new dining suite
  • proper bed for spare room
  • shipping container for special activities.....
  • finish fencing off the house so backyard is fully enclosed for chooks to spend more time outside without me worrying they will wander off too far away from home.....


it's all just a progression..... the first step is to get a job.... then next step is look forward to when my fixed rate ends so i can look at a cheaper interest rate to save money on repayments each week!

then from there i should be able to reassess things a bit more and maybe make another step forward... it would be nice to stop taking backward steps.....